Never party with Nations
by jade-song
Summary: Alcohol plus Nations equals chaos. Crack story. Rated T for alcohol, drop bears and mild violence.


At Lativa's house for his birthday party.

It was getting late, but the party was far from over yet. Quite a few nations were still at the house. Alcohol had been present, and Prussia had somehow managed to drink himself unconscious and was slumped on the floor. He quickly became a target of some of the more mischievous nations that were there.

"I have an idea," England started, rounding up Australia, Sweden and Russia. He quickly relayed his thoughts, and it didn't take much convincing to get the others to agree to his plan.

"Now, where's the nail gun?"

"I'll get it." Australia volunteered.

It didn't take long for him to find the nail gun.

Lying in a pool of someone's vomit.

He crinkled his nose, and grabbed his brother's discarded jacket, wiping the worst off of the power tool. England noticed and bristled, automatically snapping at him.

"That already had puke on it!" He protested, glaring. Australia turned to look at him.

"Well, now it has more on it." The nation tried not to grin. England sighed.

"Let's just hurry and wash it off in the kitchen!" He and Australia ran to the kitchen, where Poland, who for some reason was wearing a maid's outfit, was making sandwiches. At the sight of the vomit covered nail gun, the blond nation stopped what he was doing and made a face of disgust.

"What are you, like, doing?"

"Oh, hello Poland," Arthur started, seeming unfazed at the other's current choice of attire. "We need to borrow the sink for a moment to wash this."

"Oh you are totally not doing that! Go like, use the bathroom or something!" His protests were ignored though, and the kitchen sink was used anyway, quickly washing off the vomit. After that, the two nations left the kitchen again. Poland sighed and resumed making sandwiches.

The others were waiting for the English speaking nations to return in the living room, standing near the dozing Prussia. Other nations in the room were now watching with interest.

"You have the nail gun now, da?" Russia smiled at the two.

"Yes, but now we need chairs." Quickly, the kitchen chairs were stolen, confusing the cooking nation as they ran in took the chairs without explanation.

Once there were chairs assembled, the plan went into motion.

"Everyone grab onto Gilbert." England past the nail gun to Bruce, who grinned. Russia grabbed Prussia's legs as Sweden and England grabbed his torso. Together, the climbed onto the chairs and hoisted the unconscious albino to the ceiling. Oz climbed up onto a chair after them.

"Quickly now, before he wakes." At England's urging, Prussia's clothes where stretched out, and nailed to the ceiling. Other nations began to snicker, or watch in confusion. The birthday nation in question merely sat on the couch, seeming a bit out of it, most likely because of the alcohol he had consumed.

Liechtenstein looked at her brother curiously.

"What should we do; should we help him out? I don't think he'll be happy waking up there." Switzerland shook his head.

"No. I think we should remain neutral, like always," he replied, secretly enjoying what was going on.

"Alright." The younger country smiled and turned back to watch the albino's unfortunate situation.

On the count of three, the nations holding up Gilbert let go.

A success. He stayed where he was, nailed to the ceiling nicely. The others climbed down from their chairs and admired the result.

"It worked!" Grins were wore by the mischievous nations, except for Sweden, who was as stoic as ever. Italy, who had been sleeping, woke.

"Vee... What's going on?"

"Look up Italy!"

He looked up again began to laugh.

"What is Prussia doing up there?"

"He looks very nice up there. I cannot wait to beat him with a stick, and see what kind of candies come out." Russia smiled pleasantly.

Almost on cue, Prussia began to stir.

At first, nothing registered to him; he had a pounding headache from drinking so much.

"Mien Gott..." He muttered, shaking his head to clear it before looking down. "..."

The others snickered.

"Hello Prussia! How's the view up there?"

"..." He blinked, seeming very confused. "W-what...?" Suddenly, his situation registered to his brain.

"HOW DID I GET UP HERE?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Australia grinned. "Gravity stopped working!"

"HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?"

"You're just too 'awesome' for the laws of gravity." Arthur snickered.

"... Ja.." Sweden nodded.

"HOW DO I GET DOWN?" He was freaking out by now.

"Quit being so awesome?" Australia offered.

"Just say 'I'm not awesome'. That might do the trick." England smiled up at him.

"I'm not falling for that again!" Prussia began to thrash, realizing that his nail gun had been used against him. Sweden sat down on the couch to watch silently.

"He's gonna fall if he keeps doing that..." Liechtenstein commented softly.

Poland came out of the kitchen with a tray of sandwiches. He took one look at the scene and sighed, passing the plate to Lativa and walking over to the chairs. He climbed up on one and reached for the hapless nation.

"Hey!"

"Stop him!"

Australia raced back over and yanked the chair out from under Poland, causing him to fall with a thud.

"That was like, so uncalled for!" He glared and got back up, reaching for another chair. Britain grabbed it and threw it across the room. Australia grabbed Poland and started to drag him away from underneath Prussia.

"GOTT VERDAMMT!" Prussia shrieked from the ceiling.

"Perhaps we should go over to his new place and trash things while he's up there..." England looked over to where Australia was struggling with Poland, only to look back to Prussia as he started yelling again.

"NO! You can't do that! I just moved in!"

Poland began to bite at Australia, who only frowned.

"I've dealt with gators that had a worse bite than you.." He almost lost his grip on Poland, and ended up grabbing his ankles and starting to drag him away like that. Poland began clawing at the floor and screaming first thing that came to mind.

"RAPE! RAPE!"

Australia nearly dropped the yowling nation.

"Ah! Arthur, what do I do? He's screamin'!"

Latvia, who had been happily eating all of the sandwiches that were passed to him, jumped up at Poland's screams, dumping the food on the floor.

"Never fear! Clivita is here!" He donned a cape that came from nowhere and raced over to the 'damsel in distress.'

The 'neutral' countries continued to watch what was going on around them.

"They are all so weird sometimes, don't you agree big brother?"

"Yes... Yes they are..."

Sweden got up from the couch and stood under the thrashing Germanic nation, ready to catch him should he fall.

Italy just continued to laugh at the scene.

Latvia plowed into Bruce, causing him to drop Poland. The dress wearing nation jumped up and took off.

"Damn! He got away!"

Poland soon reappeared with a ladder, carrying it over to Prussia. Italy decided he wanted in on the fun, and ran over, snagging the ladder from Poland and taking off with it.

"Italy! Like, what are you doing?"

The auburn nation grinned.

"I want to play too!" He passed the ladder to Bruce. Quickly, there formed a scramble for the ladder.

"What do I do with it?" Australia desperately tried to keep it away from those grabbing at it.

"Throw it outside!" England suggested. Out the window the ladder went. A mess of broken glass to be cleaned later was the only sign that the ladder had even been in the building.

Meanwhile, Sweden stared up at Prussia.

"... Ya wan' down?"

Prussia frowned. Well duh!

Sweden reached up onto his toes for more height, the chairs not even needed, and hooked his hands around Glibert's waist. He then settled back down onto his feet. The combination of gravity and the tall country's weight soon made the nails give, and Prussia came down from the ceiling.

"Freedom!" Prussia yelled the moment his feet hit the floor. He whirled around to glare at the English nations.

"Uh-oh..." England noticed him get down first.

"He don't look to happy." Bruce took a step back.

Prussia scooped up his nail gun and aimed it at them like a weapon. He knew better than to threaten Russia, and Sweden just helped him down, but it didn't mean he couldn't take his anger out on these two.

The nations in question turned heel and ran, a furious Prussia hot on their heels. England and Australia quickly ran into the bathroom, slamming and locking the door behind them.

"Let's put something in front of the door!" Bruce looked around wildly for something heavy and movable.

"We're in a bathroom! The furniture is stationary!"

A loud thud at the bathroom door announced that Prussia had caught up.

"Let me in," Prussia started kicking at the door. "Und I won't kill you as painfully!" Both England and Australia threw themselves up against the door to hold him back.

"We're dead! We're so dead!"

Outside the door, Prussia growled and kept attacking the door, nail gun gripped tightly in one hand. Sweden came up behind him and offered him a beer to placate him.

"It's going to take more than one beer for that!" He punched a whole through the door with his free hand and started feeling around for the doorknob. The nations inside the room yelped in fright and started attacking the hand to make it draw back.

Italy, who had followed, spoke up.

"Prussia, would Fritz really be happy with what you are doing?"

The albino nation froze, his red eyes softening. He withdrew his hand and sat down right outside the door, now quiet.

England and Australia, unaware of the change in Prussia's demeanor, continued to panic.

"We need out of here! We're trapped!" England looked for a way out.

"Look!" Bruce shouted and pointed. "A window!" England looked and rushed over. There was indeed a window. It was small, and placed above the toilet, but it was a way out.

"What are we waiting for then? Let's get out of here!"

Australia raced over and climbed onto the toilet, throwing the window open.

"... I don't think I'll fit-"

"Just go!"

Australia hefted himself up and started through the window. For a moment, he almost got stuck, but with a shove from Arthur he fell out the other side, landing with a thud.

"Crickey..." He stood with a groan and started brushing himself off. However, a second later, his brother fell out the window and right on top of him.

"Oof!"

"Sorry about that." England apologized and climbed to his feet, offering a hand to his sibling. Bruce took it, and was helped up.

"We managed to escape though."

Back inside, Sweden passed the now calm Prussia the beer he offered him before.

"Danke Sve!" Prussia smiled and accepted, taking the drink as if he wasn't already a bit hungover.

"...Be good.." Sweden bid him goodbye and left the party soon after, Italy following close behind. It was late after all. Russia had already left when no one was paying attention.

Poland and Latvia joined Prussia by the bathroom, Latvia still wearing his cape.

"Like, I'm glad you're not rampaging anymore." Poland commented as they sat down.

"Ah Poland. I'd like to thank you for trying to help the awesome me out. Even though you failed pathetically und humiliated yourself in the process." He smiled and took a drink of his beer. Poland frowned and glared at the other, and then snagged the drink from him.

"You're totally like, an ass!" Feliks glared at him. "And I was almost starting to like you."

"Hey! Give me back mien beer!" Prussia howled and reached for it, Poland pulling away.

"Like, no way!"

Prussia frowned, and aimed his nail gun at his head.

"Give me mien beer."

Poland stared, unimpressed.

"What are you like, waiting for?" He challanged.

Latvia, worried for Poland, quickly placed himself between the two nations in an attempted to defend the crossdressing country. Poland shoved him out of the way, not wanting him to get hurt. Prussia fired the nail gun, but Latvia stumbled into him, and threw off his aim.

Instead of hitting dead center like he planned, the nail flew to the side and ripped a large gash in Poland's forehead.

Poland fell over backwards onto the floor as Latvia yelped loudly and rushed to his side. Prussia frowned and shook his head.

"Look what you've done Lativa!" he started, blaming the smaller nation. "Now he is going to suffer!"

"Polija!" Lativa spoke his native tounge as he shook the other blond's shoulders. Poland groaned softly and passed out, freaking out the trembling nation even further.

Meanwhile, outside, England and Australia circled the house, wondering if it was safe enough to go back in. Arthur decided to peer through a window to check, and spotted Prussia and the others while they were still chatting calmly in front of the bathroom door.

"Those wankers!" He turned away from the window and back to his brother. "He isn't mad at all! It was fake!"

"What? Those little-"

"We made fools of outselves for nothing!"

"We gotta get back at them!"

"How?"

"Um..." He thought for a moment. "We could turn off the power!"

"And then what?"

"I dunno." Australia shrugged.

"Well, it's a start..." They circled the house until the found the breaker. Australia grinned.  
>"I'll do it, it was my idea." He walked over to the box and threw the switch.<p>

Inside, everything suddenly plummeted into darkness.

Liechtenstein shrieked at the sudden loss of lights and clung to her brother, who reacted instictively, wrapping one arm around her and grabbing the shotgun off his back with the other.

"The lights!" She clutched onto his jacket tightly with her face buried into his side, muffling her voice.

"Oh..." He lowered the gun. "Just the lights..." For a moment, her reaction had caused him to believe there was something to worry about. He shouldered his rifle and patted his sister on the back.

"Don't worry, it's just a power outage."

Prussia looked up when the lights went out.

"Ah scheisse... The lights went out..." He looked over to the blond nations. "...I guess I should get a first aid kit for Poland, ja? Stay here und I will go find it. Und a flashlight.." He stood up and stumbled down the dark hallway.

Outside, Bruce looked to his brother.

"Now what? We've gotta give 'um a good scare."

"Hmm..." England thought carefully. "What about that drop bear of yours? That would do the trick."

"That's a great idea!" Bruce beamed. He put his fingers to his mouth and let out a shrill whistle. For a moment, everything was quiet. Then England heard rustling in the bushes. A second later, the drop bear ran out of the bushes and rushed at England, snarling.

"Call it off!" Arthur jumped back, now regreting his decision to bring the demonic koala into their antics.

Australia whistled it over, and it changed course, stopping in front of the nation. He smiled and knelt down, petting it on the head and explaining to it that he wanted it to go after Prussia. He then opened the back door to the house and let the creature inside.

"This is gonna be great!" Bruce grinned at his brother, who didn't seem so sure anymore.

Inside, the albino nation had made his way into the kitchen, finding a flashlight there and using it to look for the first aid kit.

The drop bear scaled the walls of the kitchen and climbed ontop of the fridge, waiting for his target to pass by. Gilbird started chirping loudly, sensing danger.

"What's wrong Gilbird?" He reached up and gave his franktic bird a pat before finally finding the first aid kit. "Ah-ha!" He grabbed it and ran out of the kitchen.

The drop bear followed him quietly.

Back with Poland and Latvia, the smaller nation was having a panic attack of sorts. Poland was injuried, he didn't know what to do, and to top it all off it had gotten dark. One hand gripped one of Poland's limp ones, and the other clutched at his chest, feeling his heartbeat racing inside. He panted awkwardly as his world spun, and soon fell to the ground, passing out.

Prussia returned to the two and started caring for Poland's wound. If he noticed Latvia's sudden lack of movement and consousness, he didn't act like it.

Outside, Australia and England were pressed up against the windows, trying to see what was going on inside.

"I can't see a thing; it's too dark!" England complained.

"I'm sure_ something's_ happened by now..." Australia tried standing on his toes to see if that helped him see any better.

"Well, your bear has probably found him by now- What was that?" He froze, feeling something from behind him nudge his arm.

"What was what?" Bruce asked, not turning his attention away from the window.

"Something touched me." He hissed, jumping when he felt it again. Nervously, he looked over his sholder.

There was a pony standing there.

"Oh, well hello." England smiled, relaxing. "You startled me you know." He reached out and pet the pony's muzzle.

"Oi, quit talking to your imaginary- oh look, a pony!" He left the window to give the pony a pat on the head. "What's it doing here?"

"It's Poland's I'd imagine. He's always talking about it after all. Though I'm not sure why it's here..." The small equine nickered softly and nuzzled into the hands petting it before using it's head to nudge Arthur off the ground and onto it's back.

"What the-?" England was a bit alarmed at the sudden disapperance of the ground as he was now on the mini horse's back. Bruce chuckled.

"As long as you keep it quiet. We don't need it giving us away." He returned to the window.

Inside, Switzerland still had his sister clinging to him.

"Come on, let's go find the others now." He patted her shoulder and started walking carefully through the dark. Liechtenstein clutched his hand tightly, trying to see in the darkness. She gasped as she noticed something moving swiftly across the walls.

"Big brother! I just saw a monster!" She clung to him again.

"There are no monsters here Liechtenstein..." he replied, but drew her closer just in case.

They reached were the others were, Prussia just finishing bandaging Poland's head.

"What happened here?" Switzerland asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I shot Feliks in the head, und I'm not sure about Ravis." He dusted his hands off and stood up, not noticing the looks he was reciving from the other two nations.

"Und now, I must go find out what's going on. Gilbird said that there was someting wrong." With that, he left the others, taking the only source of light with him. Liechtenstein chuckled nervously.

"Okay then..." She knelt near the unconsous nations and looked them over while Switzerland stood over her and kept a look out.

Outside, England relaxed as the pony trotted around the yard.

"This isn't so bad," he commented as he now sat properally on it's back. It whinnied loudly with a toss of it's head. Ausrtalia jumped.

"Keep it quiet!"

"How?"

The pony whinnied again.

"Shut up!" England pulled one of his scones from his pockets and stuffed it in the horse's mouth.

"Don't kill it..." Bruce said nervously, knowing how bad Arthur's cooking was. The scone didn't keep it quiet for long, and it whinnied again. England stuffed another scone into it's mouth.

Irratated, the pony bucked him off of his back and into the side of the house.

"Gah! ..ak..." He groaned in pain, trying not to yell out instead as he slid to the ground. Australia clamped a hand over his mouth and did his best not to laugh at his brother's misfourtune. He snickered anyway.

"Guess he didn't like yer cooking."

Prussia looked around in confusion, having her the thud made when England collided with the house.

"What was that..?" He shone the flashlight around, unaware of the creature currently stalking him. Gilbird cheeped loudly from his perch ontop of Prussia's head.

"What is it Gilbird?" He looked up at his pet. The canary kept freaking out, seeing the koala creep up on the albino. Seeing that his master wasn't going to notice the danger yet, the bird flew from his perch and at the drop bear, fluttering it's wings in its face before getting swatting away. Prussia aimed the flashlight over to them, finally seeing the bear.

"Scheisse!" He aimed his nail gun at it and fired, but it skittered off, hiding behind a potted plant. The red eyed nation crept over to it, moving the plant to get a better look. The drop bear slashed at his face with it's claws.

"Ah! Fick!" He stumbled backward, free hand now clutching his face. Gilbird charged the koala once more, using it's little talons this time. The demonic bear only slashed at it, making the little yellow bird fall to the ground.

"Glibird!" Prussia howled and shot at the bear with his nail gun. The drop bear quickly ran off at the assult. Prussia returned his attention to gilbird, quickly scooping up his injuried pet.

"Hold on there mein friend. I will get you help!" He started heading back to where he left the others.

Meanwhile, Switerland sighed.

"We really need some light in here..." He said, unable to see much. Liechtenstein spoke up nervously.

"You should go fix the lights then. I could stay here and guard them."

He raised an eyebrow.

"Are you sure?"

She nodded.

"Yes. I am."

"Alright. Be careful." He gave her a pat on the head before walking down the hallway, one hand to the wall to guide him.

Liechtenstein stood up, throwing a nervous glance down the hallway her borhter disappered down. There was a monster out there. She had to be brave and protect her friends.

With that thought, she grabbed her skirts and hiked them up relvealing a hidden holster strapped to her thigh. She pulled the handgun from it's place on her leg and let her dress fall back down.

Everyone knew her brother had at least one gun with him at all times, but something they didn't know, was that she did too. After all, she was Switzerland's little sister. Why wouldn't she? The gun was even a gift from him.

She turned off the safety and held it just the way she was taught to. The monster would have a nasty surprise if it tried to attack now. Who would have guessed that the cute little nation was just as good of a shot as her brother?

She looked down the hallway again, tense and nervous. It was dark still... When would Switerzland find the lights? She looked to the blacked out natioins, wondering when they would wake, or if they were alright.

A sound! Something was coming toward her! She whirled around to face it, gun aimed perfectly. If it was Switzerland with the gun, he would have shot immeditally. Luckily for the albino nation, she wasn't as trigger happy as her brother.

"Oh, it's just you Mister Prussia." She chuckeld nervously and lowered the gun.

"Scheisse Lickta- Leachten- Leech- Lah- um... Don't do that again!"

"Sorry..." She noticed the injured bird in his hands and the stratches on his face. "What happened?"

"We were attacked by Bruce's demon koala!" He cradled the bird in one hand while trying to open the first aid kit with the other.

"A... Demon koala?"

Outside, Switzerland was circling the house for the breaker. Once he found it, he threw the switch again and headed back inside.

Still outside, Australia and England both jump as the lights go on.

"Oh no, they fixed the lights!"

"They're bound to be mad at us by now..."

"We need to hide!" Australia looked around. "Quick! Up that tree!"

Back inside, Switzerland rejoined the group as Poland was waking up. Liechtenstein knelt down next to him.

"Are you alright Mister Poland?" She watched him sit up with a groan.

"Yeah... I'm like, fine- What happened to Latvia!" His attention quickly moved to the nation lying unconcious next to him.

"I'm not sure..."

"Lotwa! Lotwa!" Poland spoke his own languge as he shook Latvia in an attempt to wake him. Liechtenstein watched with concern.

Switzerland spoke to Prussia.

"You alright?"

"Ja, but Gilbird isn't." His eyes watered a little as he cradled his precious bird in his hands. Switzerland watched for a second.

"Let me see him." He held out his hand for the bird. Prussia stared for a moment, not quite sure about handing him the little yellow avian. But Vash insisted, and the bird was passed to his hands.

"I think we should call an ambulance for Mister Latvia." Liechtenstein stood up and put her gun away back under her dress.

Prussia looked over and caught sight of her doing so, and felt a little ill for seeing that much of a female's leg.

"Uh.. Ja..."

"Like, way ahead of you Liech." Poland had just pulled out a cell phone and was dialing.

Switzerland quickly and carefully bandaged up the yellow bird and passed him back to Prussia.

"Just be gentle with him and change his bandages tomorrow. Give him lots of water... and lots of love and he'll be fine..." His voice dropped a bit for the last part, almost as if he was embarrsed to say such a thing.

"Danke Switz!" Prussia smiled, deciding the neutral nation wasn't that bad.

In the tree, Australia and England were now up it, staring down at the house. Bruce's koala soon scaled the tree and climbed into his lap.

"Oh no, he's been hurt..." He looked the drop bear over, finding stratches from the bird and a cut from a nail that just barely clipped him.

"Poor chap. Perhaps I could use one of my potions to help him out." Britain offered his brother, pulling a strange glittering vial from his pocket.

"I dunno..." He replied, eyeing the potion.

"Come on, it won't hurt him."

"...Alright." Bruce nodded, and Arthur leaned over, putting a drop of the liquid on each wound. Slowly, the cuts healed up as if nothing had ever hurt the marsupial.

"Wow. It worked! Thanks Arthur!" Australia smiled at him.

"Of course it worked. And your welcome." He went to say something else, but stopped.

"... Do you hear sirens?" The two of them listened as an ambulance drove to the house.

"Oh dear... I hope that wasn't our fault..."

Prussia left the house, holding Gilbert in his hands. He saw the two nations in the tree due to the fact their legs were dangling down. He bent down, scooped up a rock, and threw it at them.

"Arschlochs!" He then stalked off.

"Was that Pru-Ow!" The rock colided with Australia's head and he yelped, then fell backwards out of the tree. "Oof!"

"Bruce!" England climbed down out of the tree and knelt beside his brother.

"That hurt..." He groaned and sat up, rubbing his back. The rock had left a gash on his forehead.

"Hold still." Arthur got out the vial again and gave him a drop on the wound, which then healed up.

"Thanks." He rubbed his forehead, feeling the spot the wound used to be.

"No problem." England put the vial away again.

The ambluance came and picked up Lativa, Poland climbing into the back with him. As they left, Liechtenstein looked to her brother.

"Mister Prussia said that the monster was a demon koala."

Switzerland looked unamused.

"I don't think it was a demon Liechtenstein. Unless England did something to it, it was probably just a reagular koala."

"But you saw what it did to Mister Prussia's face."

"It was just in a bad mood, that's all."

Liectenstein looked down.

"I don't think I like koalas..." She muttered. He gaver her a pat on the head.

"Not much to like about them anyway. All they do is sleep all day." He led her out of the house.

"Time to head home. It's late."


End file.
